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Thanks for your letter.

There are a couple issues here. First of all, your husband is the head of your home, and the spiritual leader of your family. I Corinthians 11:3 says,

"But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God."

Thus, he gets to take the lead as to what church you will attend. I believe that you have a Biblical obligation to follow him and submit to him. If he doesn't want you to go to the other church, then you shouldn't go. Ephesians 5:22-24 states,

"Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing."

This would obviously include church-related decisions. If he were telling you to violate Scripture, for example forbidding you to attend church at all (Heb 10:25), then I believe that you should obey the Higher authority, and go to church (Acts 5:29: "We ought to obey God rather than men"). However, he is not keeping you from a Biblical, New Testament church (based upon the way I read your letter); he is simply asking you not to attend that particular church. You need to submit to him.

Second, it would be 100% wrong for your husband to divorce you. Divorce is completely unacceptable in the Scriptures, regardless of what you (or he for that matter) might do that is offensive. Matthew 19:4-6 Jesus responds to the question of divorce as follows,

"And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder."

Luke 16:18 states,

"Whosoever putteth away his wife, and marrieth another, committeth adultery: and whosoever marrieth her that is put away from her husband committeth adultery."

Romans 7:2 states,

"For the woman which hath an husband is bound by the law to her husband so long as he liveth; but if the husband be dead, she is loosed from the law of her husband."

I Corinthians 7:10-12 reads,

"And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband: But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife. But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away."

According to this verse, he wouldn't have the right to divorce you even if you were unsaved, which obviously you are not. Verse 27 of the same chapter says,

"Art thou bound unto a wife? seek not to be loosed."

He is bound, and should not seek to be loosed for ANY reason. If I were him, I would never speak of it again. Since divorce is never a Biblical option, why should it ever be mentioned as a possibility?

Third, and somewhat off the main subject, you might want to ask yourself if the music that they sing at your old church is really acceptable unto the Lord. I certainly don't know what kind it is, but it sounds to me that your husband finds the music there to be too contemporary for him. It would be wrong and foolish for me to say that all new music is sinful. However, rock music (the style, the rhythms, etc) is never Christ-honoring regardless of the lyrics. Without going into detail, rock music is defined by the "back beat" rhythms, and the term "rock and roll" comes from a slang term for immoral behavior. Most Contemporary Christian Music has back beat rhythm, regardless of how slow or fast it may be. Somehow I don't believe that Christ can be properly praised through music that was designed to fornicate to, can you? Therefore, I would steer away from any music that has that style, regardless of the lyrics. The injunctions to "love not the world" and to "flee youthful lusts" still apply today, and we need to be careful that our music not sound like the world, or be modeled after the world either musically or lyrically. If the music is what draws you to that church, and if that music is not what it should be, then perhaps you should rethink the issue. I am thankful that you got saved there, but unfortunately there are churches out there that preach the Gospel, but neglect to mention issues of personal holiness. I'm not saying that your old church is one of them, but they do exist. Salvation is a necessary ingredient, but churches are to teach and practice "the whole counsel of God".

By Pastor Dr. Mark Montgomery Email: Ask the Pastor Ambassador Baptist Church 1926 Babcock Blvd Pittsburgh, PA 15209 (412)477-3210