stoneshms.jpg - 54764 Bytes
Our Priority,
Our Philosophy,
Our Position,
Our Programs,
Our Physical LocationOutside Links-
Baptist Bastion,
Books and Bibles Online,
HomeSchool Sailor,
Fundamentally Basic,
Religions & Cults,
More Christian ResourcesSupported Missions,
Other Missions,
World Church DirectoryRecent Additions to Our Site
Home PageSermons in Type,
Sermons on Tape,
Doctrinal WritingsOur Pastor,
Our PeopleAsk the Pastor,
Pastors Pen Online,
Memorization,
Daily Devotions
galley.gif - 2962 Bytes
......................
Ask Pastor

Complete
Listing

Topical Listing
clear.gif - 808 BytesBaptist Why's
clear.gif - 808 BytesBible Versions
clear.gif - 808 BytesCharismatics
clear.gif - 808 BytesChristian Living
clear.gif - 808 BytesChurch
clear.gif - 808 BytesEtymology
clear.gif - 808 BytesFamily
clear.gif - 808 BytesGeneral Bible
clear.gif - 808 BytesIsrael
clear.gif - 808 BytesReligions/Cults
clear.gif - 808 BytesSalvation/Growth
clear.gif - 808 BytesSin
clear.gif - 808 BytesHoly Spirit/Trinity
clear.gif - 808 BytesThe Pastor
clear.gif - 808 BytesWomen
......................
Pastor's Pen
......................
Memorization
......................


Quick Links
clear.gif - 808 Bytes
clear.gif - 808 BytesOur Priorities
clear.gif - 808 BytesOur Constitution
clear.gif - 808 BytesOur Pastor
clear.gif - 808 BytesOur Programs
clear.gif - 808 BytesOur Location
clear.gif - 808 BytesOur Missionaries

......................
Favorites
clear.gif - 808 Bytes
clear.gif - 808 BytesGoogle Search
clear.gif - 808 BytesAsk the Pastor
clear.gif - 808 BytesDoctrinal Writings
clear.gif - 808 BytesFresh Supplies

......................

Thank you for visiting. Please send spiritual comments to Pastor's Pen

......................

Please e-mail all other comments to WindJammer

......................

Ambassador Baptist Church
1926 Babcock Blvd
Pittsburgh, PA 15209
(412)477-3210
clear.gif - 808 Bytes
clear.gif - 808 Bytes clear.gif - 808 Bytes
atp2.gif - 2137 Bytes
clear.gif - 808 Bytes


clear.gif - 808 Bytes Question:

clear.gif - 808 Bytes I am engaged to be married in about a year. I am a 24 year old saved Christian and my fiancé is not saved and not religious at all. My problem is that my fiancé is so reluctant and negative when it comes to being saved. I pray for him every day and I just don't know what to do anymore. I am so frustrated and confused. Is God is trying to give me a message that it won't work, or if I should continue to pray and hope that everything falls into place? I am beside myself about this. My fiancé knows how much this means to me but still feels pressured and that everyone is trying to make him do something that he doesn't want to do. He feels everyone should accept him the way he is. I pray and pray and things only seem to get worse as far as his coming to the Lord is concerned. I have faith that he will eventually come to the Lord but I am so frustrated by his negativity and harsh words...
clear.gif - 808 Bytes


Response:

Thanks for writing. I am sorry for your situation, and you probably aren't going to like my advice, but please hear me out.

Under no circumstances should you marry this man.

I believe you should pray for him, and I believe you should attempt to continue a friendship relationship with him. I believe you should give him the Gospel at every opportunity. But you should not get married. II Corinthians 6:14 states:

14 Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness? 15 And what concord hath Christ with Belial? or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel? 16 And what agreement hath the temple of God with idols? for ye are the temple of the living God; as God hath said, I will dwell in them, and walk in them; and I will be their God, and they shall be my people. 17 Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing; and I will receive you, 18 And will be a Father unto you, and ye shall be my sons and daughters, saith the Lord Almighty.
The phrase "unequal yoke" is one word in the Greek language that is the underlying text of the New Testament. The Greek word literally means " another coupling " or a "strange coupling". It seems that Paul is saying that Christians should not become yoked, or coupled, or partnered, with unbelievers. He gives the reason in the next verses: there in no relationship between light and darkness, nor between Christ and Satan, nor between righteousness and unrighteousness. These things can not coexist with each other. In the same way, a believer can not be coupled together with an unbeliever. The Christian's body is the temple of the Holy Spirit (I Cor. 6:19), and how can this be joined with an unbeliever in the most intimate of all relationships. He even asks, "what part hath he that believeth (you) with an infidel (your fiancé). The answer, obviously from the context, is none. The Christian, rather than yoking with the unsaved, is commanded to "Come out, Be separate, Touch not". And, to help the believer make this difficult choice, God adds, "And I will receive you". We can always do what God demands, because He will provide for us, and care for us.

In Amos 3:3 the prophet asks: "Can two walk together, except they be agreed?" Again, the answer must be "No". Obviously, I can not take a physical walk with someone else if they are not going in the same direction that I am. Yet, you are attempting to take the most important and intimate human walk of life, the walk of marriage, with a man with whom you disagree about the single most important issue in life: salvation. God says it can't be done. You can try it, but one of four things will happen. He might get saved, but the chances are that he will not. Since you should not marry him in the first place, God is certainly not obligated to hear the cries of a disobedient child to help her marriage by saving the husband she was commanded not to marry. The second thing that might happen is that you will attempt to live for Christ, and talk about the Lord, and your husband will become even more "negative and harsh" (your words), and you will finally come to the point where you feel that you must either give up your practice of Christianity or give up your marriage. You will then give up your Christian life in order to keep peace in the family. Though you probably don't believe this will happen, think about this: if you marry an unsaved man, you have already disobeyed God for the sake of marriage. If you did it once, what would keep you from doing it again? The third option is that you will attempt to live for the Lord, and your husband will reject your lifestyle, and he will ultimately leave you, because he doesn't want to get saved, he doesn't want religion shoved down his throat, and he will get sick of you talking about it all the time. The fourth option is that you might stay together, but you and he both will be miserable because you do not have a common ground on the most important thing in life: your relationship with Jesus Christ. As a pastor I have seen this happen. I remember one lady in my previous church who had spent 40+ years married to an unsaved man who refused to darken the door of the church. She told me once that her prayer was that she would die first so that he would come to church at least once in his life to attend her funeral. She also told me this: "If one of our church girls ever comes to you, and wants to marry an unsaved man, please have her come and talk to me before she does it, so I can try to talk her out of it."

Think about this, too. Your fiancé is already "reluctant and negative when it comes to being saved." You are "frustrated by his negativity and harsh words..." Yet, he is working his hardest right now to impress you, because he wants to marry you. If he acts this way when he is trying to impress you, how do you think he will act once you are married and he doesn't have to impress you anymore? Do you think it will get better? It probably will not. You say that your fiancé "feels that everyone should accept him the way he is". Marriage won't change that attitude. In fact, that attitude can be a problem in marriage even if both parties are saved, because anyone who thinks that he doesn't need to change anything in his life is going to struggle with the "give and take" of marriage. Biblical love involves giving and sacrificing for the spouse. "You just need to accept me as I am" doesn't sound like a loving attitude to me. Of course, as a Christian, your love for your fiancé can and must be superceded by your love for God. Mark 12:30 states "And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength: this is the first commandment." Love for Him must override love for anyone or anything else.

One last point. Suppose you decide to get married, and you wind up sticking it out, although he never gets saved. What will you do when the kids show up? Will he allow you to take them to your church for all the services? Will he want you to "cram down their throats" stuff that he doesn't believe? What happens when he wants to take the boys fishing on Sunday morning, and you want them to be in church? What will happen then? Are you willing to risk your children's spiritual life on your marriage to an unbeliever? I certainly hope not.

What you need to do is lovingly tell your fiancé that you love God more than you love him, and that you can not go through with the wedding. I'm sure that will be difficult, but God will bless you for doing the Biblical thing. Perhaps this will be the catalyst to bring your fiancé to salvation (although be careful that he doesn't "get saved" just so you can get married, because if this happens, his "salvation" will be forgotten about as soon as you say "I do".) You are still a young woman, and God can bring into your life exactly who He wants you to have; someone who will not violate His Word. Paul says in I Cor. 7:39 that marriages should take place "only in the Lord". God desires for your fiancé to be saved. But, He desires for him to be saved before you get married, so that you can truly marry "in the Lord". Don't violate the Scriptures hoping to convert your fiancé/husband. Obey, and let God take care of the rest.

May the Lord bless you with this difficult decision.

clear.gif - 808 Bytes

By
Dr Mark Montgomery
Ambassador Baptist Church
1926 Babcock Blvd
Pittsburgh, PA 15209
(412)477-3210




Return to Top

Return to The Galley
His Majesty's Service
Home of Ambassador Baptist Church
1926 Babcock Blvd
Pittsburgh, PA 15209
(412)477-3210
clear.gif - 808 Bytes